01.03.21 | 8:46 pm

i feel, perhaps, in desperate need for intimacy. not just physical, though that would be lovely, but rather someone opening up to me and -- equally -- allowing me, and asking me, inviting me, to open up to them.

it may just be that i'm more tired than i think i am right now (i slept about four hours last night after basically lying in bed all weekend due to the horrific symptoms i had thanks to the second dose of the vaccine), but i feel... slightly crazy.

on edge.

light headed.

instagram asked me if i wanted to follow matt, who is a new user, and i suppose it has gotten me thinking about the fact that despite the many, many flaws in our relationship, i was always 100% certain that he loved me, beyond a shadow of a doubt. i knew that he would stick with me no matter what.

i wonder if i will ever find that again.

no wonder i stuck with it for so long. (and how selfish it is to write that down.)

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