skipping beats
21.04.21 | 10:41 pm

i just want to feel Fixed. Past This. Cured. what have you.

and i do really well for long stretches.

then, there are weeks like this week, with my heartbeat so loud throughout my body, my heart feeling as if it’s skipping a beat, my throat going warm like it did before the real panic attacks came on.

and i know that the tension in my jaw and forehead are probably symptoms of the anxiety too, but it doesn’t stop me from inexplicably thinking that maybe it’s a brain tumor or some kind of oncoming facial paralysis.

what is the reason? where does it come from?

i just want to be totally better. i want the straight line version of progress.

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