just watching bo burnham's special on loop forever i guess
27.06.21 | 9:48 pm

i only ever horrifically feel bad about my body when my dating life isn't going well.

this body can run eight fucking miles at one time. it can do so many things. i am a chubby person and i am legitimately, for the most part, not even fucking bothered by it any more.

except when dating isn't going well.

and it's not.

that's when i find the thoughts start to creep in. that this must be the reason why. (even when i know that when i've been in bigger cities, i do much, much better.)

this weekend, last night, i sat with my lovely friends and we talked about all these horrific dating stories i have, and all these times when matt was perfectly shitty (but my friends didn't know because i did not tell them, which is relatively common for me).

god, it's so fucking reductive, but i am tired of being alone, and i'm so fucking tired of looking, and having to wade through these terrible conversations with terrible people.

i think it's time to quit again.

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