also, the new season of You is amazing
17.10.21 | 12:16 pm
but i can feel myself holding back.
not from him, necessarily (though certainly that too). but from the whole idea.
i keep wondering: what if you come back in a month? what then?
don't worry -- i know it's ridiculous.
i spent time looking at your pictures again last night, rereading the messages you sent me. someone on a dating app complimented my kind smile, said it seems so infectious, like there's a genuinely happy vibe to me. the same exact thing i thought about you.
it takes time. i know.
i'm seeing this guy again tonight. someone who seems very into me, said he's waited a long time to find someone like me, yada yada. all that. which is fine. i don't know if i care yet. i usually don't.
and that's the thing, isn't it? i normally just don't give a fuck about any of these people.
but again: it was instant with you. something i hadn't felt in such a very, very long time.
and that's okay.
it's okay to only have that for a little while. to remember that it exists.
but i can't stay in that space in my brain. i know you're not sitting over there in your apartment thinking over the same things i am, looking at my pictures again, rereading the messages i sent you. i know you're not.
deep breaths.
steps forward.