errant thoughts
21.11.23 | 10:42 pm

my main goals for november were to journal every day and read 2-3 books. have i done that? no.

i journaled once, on paper, for fifteen minutes -- and to be honest, it felt miraculous. so why haven't i continued it?

some errant thoughts:

-i wish this wine had affected me more tonight.
-five days without school, thank goodness.
-i love seth so much, and he is so good, and i just want to be able to come home to him.
-emma is doing much better.
-i find myself wanting to decorate or change my entire wardrobe.
-literally got back on pinterest so i could start a board for seth's guest bathroom.
-i want to really, actually feel at home.
-this school year, i am constantly on and off sick. what is that about?
-i am so proud that i have a much healthier relationship to exercise now, but sometimes it is a relief when i feel sick because i don't have to do hard exercise. and really, that's not healthy either.
-that's more stuff i need to dive into on my own.
-love that light academia aesthetic, but when i search for it, i never see bodies like my own.
-i just want to feel comfortable all the time.
-i literally already feel bad that i didn't do work tonight and instead played animal crossing and finally started the last season of sex education.
-why do i constantly feel like actually letting myself relax and do things that aren't "productive" is such a bad thing? shouldn't i be past this by now?
-got a new comforter set for seth's guest room and it's purple and gorgeous and, according to my mom, "busy."
-we are actually going to decorate seth's house for christmas and we have a gorgeous silver tree.

idk. i keep thinking i'll write more, maybe a bit in the style i used to do. i love the ability to read some of my older posts and i worry about how i won't be able to do that five years down the line for this time in my life.

sometimes i look at engagement rings and quite frankly feel silly.

honestly, besides work, and the fact that i work and insane amount outside of work, my life is going quite well. i am a lucky person, overall.

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