backsliding on mental health
02.08.22 | 7:52 pm

it seems that my anxiety has backslid a bit this summer.

the first half (late may and june), i struggled with daily heart palpitations to the point where the doctor ran tons of tests just to find out... everything is totally normal, so it's basically just my anxiety.

today, we had the active shooter training at school. granted, it is stressful (and should be) since we're literally going through the motions of what would happen and throwing desks at doors and trying to take down an "attacker".

but all of that went well, even if i was left a bit on edge.

then, when they were finishing the training talking about emergency care and tourniquets, another teacher passed out (just because she does that about blood).

my body took over. my heart rate spiked, even though i was able to tell myself that everything was fine. then my face flushed. then i started shaking. i focused too much on my breathing and i was leaving too long between my breaths.

i texted my brother and had him walk with me to my room so i could get my panic attack medicine. when i tried to unlock my door, my hands were visibly shaking.

i was okay, and it didn't go any further than that, and the whole time i was explaining to my brother that this hasn't happened in so long and i am totally okay and this is incredibly annoying.

...i just don't know why it's gotten worse this summer.

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