mom
2011-03-17 | 1:46 p.m.
it was not your fault, but mine
and it was your heart on the line
i really fucked it up this time
didn't i, my dear?
things are weird. that's all.
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a few words on my mother, whom i love very much. she also drives me crazy, which is to be expected.
it seems that one of her new duties is to tell me that i'm getting fatter every time i come home. now, this is not malicious--in fact, i understand.
she is only telling me this because she thinks i will go through life feeling like her--not skinny, and having no self-confidence or happy feelings about my body ever. this is what she has done, and is doing now.
so i get it, and i'm past letting it hurt my feelings because that was never the intention, anyway. it's understood.
but here is the thing: i know i am not skinny. i may want to be, sometimes, but what my mother doesn't understand is that i've come to terms with my body. i do not want to fight with it anymore. i am happy where i am. if i end up overcome with the idea of losing weight, that's fine too--
but i am not her copy, her replica. i am not her. i do not have the same thoughts as her. i may be fat, but i don't hate myself because of it.
i just don't think she can ever understand that.