on a number of things.
2011-04-02 | 7:49 p.m.
alright, that's nice, yeah, i guess. but it bugs me--i feel like every time i come home, the first comment is on my appearance. i lost five pounds when i was sick, yeah, that's okay i guess but it's not like it was healthy, so it's not necessarily something to be happy about.
whenever people start putting a lot of weight on my appearance (no pun intended) (this is usually eric or my parents), i don't like how i feel about it. i become obsessive.
after losing five pounds, i didn't want to eat for about a week because i was already afraid of gaining it back. whenever i get into an i-need-to-lose-weight state of mind, it is obsessive. it is practically all i think about, and it makes me really anxious about everything all the time.
THIS is why i have stopped worrying about it. it would be nice to lose 15, 20, 30 pounds, sure, but i don't want it to consume my life (which it does). i want to love myself as i am, and i don't think that's a bad thing...
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our anniversary was yesterday, four years. it started off with flowers, a nice lunch, etc. then we got in a fight for about four hours, ended with him apologizing and me crying. then we went to dinner and shopping which ended in another fight, which ended with me going to bed by myself.
that's all i have to say about that.
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i had study abroad orientation today and i enjoyed it, i sat with matt and talked to him and courtney was there along with this nice girl named meg i don't know well. it was actually fun when i assumed it was going to be annoyingly long.
did you know in london that pedestrians don't have the right of way?
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nicolas' sixth birthday was yesterday and his party was today, they are so cute. i can't believe that i was around when gracie mae was born. and addy is going to be born soon... i really can't wait. kari's sister had her baby and now i am even more excited.
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i don't know, i'm such a mess all of the time.