13.09.13 | 8:24 pm

I just really want to feel drunk right now as I'm already two glasses into a bottle of Riesling but it never gets me as drunk as red wine does so why did I buy it?

All I have done all day is worry about my back and Matt called to talk to me about it which was nice but then he told me about his friend with a degenerative disc disease and I just said really quietly, "I don't want to have a degenerative disc disease," and he must've felt bad because he backtracked and starting telling me how I definitely didn't have one and was going to be fine.

I am drinking wine and rewatching season two of Girls because it makes me sad and that is all I am.

School is hard and I don't even really like what I'm doing and I'm stressed out (when am I NOT stressed out? Ever?) and I'm sad.

I told Matt on the phone that Becca unfollowed me on twitter and he told me we were being childish but I'm really sad about it. I want to just say, "I hate you and you're a terrible person and you don't deserve someone as nice as me as your friend," but I'm sad that someone who I valued so much could just drop me in a second's time. I didn't do anything to deserve it.

I have been in physical pain for over a month, and usually it's not that bad but sometimes it really is and it just wears on me because I'm so worried about it.

I don't think I have some kind of fucking spinal cancer but what the fuck is it? Can I please fast forward to my appointment on Wednesday?

I'm just sad a lot of the time and listless and I don't want to be.

I want to crawl into my bed and die but one of the dogs pissed all over it because THAT'S JUST MY LIFE I GUESS.

And I know that none of this. It's really not that bad. Not really.

But I hate it and I'm tired of it.

I should be able to change things about my life that I'm unhappy with.

I can.

Can't I?


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