05.10.18 | 7:23 am

i keep wanting to write about the fact that my coworker and former teacher died last friday because she drove over the railroad tracks (there was no cross bar and no light) and got hit by a train. she was 63. she was on her way home after work, and it was the start of fall break.

i may have mentioned that for the past couple of months, my brain has been focused more on death. this isn’t interrupting my life, really, but it’s uncomfortabke and i don’t like it.

last night when i went to go get taco bell for my family, i was tired after being in the car for 10 hours, and the light shined in my face, and my eyes were tired, and briefly before i left i thought, this could be how i die. and i had to talk myself down from that because, while true, it’s also sort of ridiculous.

all vacation, no matter what we did, i was thinking about how someone could get hurt or die. my niece is boogie boarding in the ocean? she might get caught by a powerful wave and get sucked out to sea. my family members try to save her? they’ll probably all get sucked away and die too. my baby nephew is being held on the balcony? no one better get even close to the rail, because if he makes a sudden movement, they could drop him over the side. someone is walking back from the restaurant by themselves? let’s hope they don’t get murdered or hit by a car.

it’s exhausting.

my brain does this sometimes. it hasn’t happened in a few years though.

for what it’s worth, we just passed the one year anniversary of jenna’s suicide, too.

if i’m eating with my family i keep reminding them that the heimlich is kind of outdated and here’s the new way to save someone while they’re choking...

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