always tired
30.10.18 | 5:30 pm

i am often, it seems, rather perpetually tired. and i wonder, often, if this -- this feeling, this exhaustion -- is what life is, whether i should just lower my expectations and just accept it.

i don't want it to feel, in general, this difficult -- but usually, it does.

is this something that is within me, something i have the control to change? i don't exactly know.

first, though, i should recognize the fact that i am much, much happier now than i was in colorado. i didn't realize it at the time, but for nearly the whole time i was out there, i was consumed with the idea that where i was, who i was with - they weren't right, and it is clear now how much anxiety it legitimately gave me.

--

i started writing this an hour and a half ago. i got a new christmas piano book in the mail today, and i can sight read most of the pieces and play them easily, and i've just been doing that.

it's a better use of my time.

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