trying to recognize unrealistic expectations
22.04.19 | 4:09 pm

i have been legitimately trying to work through my feelings on my own lately, to lean less on people to talk through things.

i'm not sure yet how well that's going.

but i'll tell you what i've come to for today:

i had an expectation that was, at its core, unrealistic. i knew from the beginning that it was unrealistic, but hoped for it anyway. and, of course, it was not met.

so instead of moping, i'm going to walk my dog in the sunshine, and i'm going to run or do yoga, and i'm going to catch up on jane the virgin, and i'm going to start reading one of the new french books i got in the mail today.

--

this started a bit of a chain of bad feelings.

i can tell i am already anxious and scared about moving to france, about not having my usual paycheck, about the language barrier, about all of the ways i am woefully inadequate for this.

everything feels like it requires so much attention, and i just don't have it to give.

i know it's just a matter of taking everything as it comes, planning as much as i can, living with what i cannot.

--

i know it's so easy to get into this grass-is-greener thinking, and i fall into that trap all of the time. and though i'm excited to go abroad for a while, though i'm excited at the idea of not being tied down, at the same time... i feel so, so, so behind everyone around me.

i need to actively work on being more thankful. grateful.

--

and i really want to do something to my hair. the end.

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