not about meeeeeeeeeeee
23.01.20 | 8:05 pm

today when i saw you, in broad daylight as i walked home from work, you actually smiled and waved.

tonight, i'm going on a "date" with someone who, after i accepted the invitation, told me he isn't looking for anything romantic because he just broke up with his girlfriend of six years a month ago (which coincidentally is when we began talking, when he sent me the "hello" [otherwise, i wouldn't have seen his profile]). so i guess what i mean is i'm just going out for some conversation. which is fine.

i wish i could break the habit in my brain of creating stories that don't exist. of imagining all these different possibilities with these different people. i think it hurts much more than it helps.

last night i smoked a joint with tito and angela (well, she didn't smoke) and we just sat in his apartment and talked and listened to music and ate way too many snacks. it was lovely. tomorrow i'm going to karaoke with my friends. saturday i'm going to the concert at the bar down the street with my friends.

more of this.

less of the anxious thoughts.

because what i need to remember is this: it's not about me.

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