uncertainty
15.05.20 | 3:10 pm
emma is feeling better now, so we've already walked outside for two hours today. now that we're allowed to go more than 1km from our apartment, i'm choosing different streets, walking farther, taking note of all these beautiful things around us that i didn't have time to notice before.
my phone is full of pictures of ivy growing up the walls, flowers peeking out from the weeds, windows with pastel shutters, laundry hung out on a line waving in the wind, cats lounging upon the window sills and looking out at us below.
it is, of course, a strange time for everyone. but it's such a strange way to end my stay here, full of uncertainty on whether or not i'll be allowed back in september after returning home for the summer, uncertainty on whether or not the program will even continue.
i dream of moving into nicolas' parents' apartment with tito as my roommate, walking down the street to eat at the cheap and delicious vietnamese restaurant where we drank nearly a bottle of wine for five euro, talking in french and english and letting him teach me phrases in spanish.
i dream of getting to take my parents on their first international trip, which was planned for this past april, going to london, paris, avignon, nice, genoa, pisa, florence, pompeii, and rome. i want to see them experience all of this history for the first time, and i want to introduce them to everything i've fallen in love with here, why i love it all so much.
i dream of improving my language skills even more -- i've been listening to so much more advanced french and i can tell that i've improved, but i want to continue, i want to be able to teach the language when i get home. i love being able to connect with other people and other cultures. it's such a gift.
"this is a practice in taking things as they come, in not being able to have a plan, in letting go." this is what i tell myself. but i'm privileged and very fortunate. i'm lucky that's how i'm able to see it.
it's friday and i want to spend the evening connecting with others i haven't spoken with in a few days, and then i want to spend some time connecting with myself. i'm almost finished reading the last book i have, but now the bookstores are open again, so maybe i'll be able to grab another book or two before this is all said and done.
i hope everyone is doing okay. everyone.