just sad
25.09.20 | 4:46 pm

you’ve made yourself very clear.

i’ve been in such a sour mood for the last few days. it feels heavy, this decision i haven’t even made yet, something that seems as though it will have a major impact on my future, when really it’s just seven months (if i go) or a year at most (if i stay and reapply for next year). either way... it will be okay. but it’s hard to make myself believe it.

it’s the colorado feelings all over again.

it feels like i’m hitting a plateau with my french learning. i need to do more, but i’m tired. i listen to the news in french, half my podcasts and youtube subscriptions are in french, i try to read in french most days, i have 3 hours of lessons a week... but it’s not enough. it’s really not.

i’ve also got a lot of negative body feelings at the moment. eating too much, or eating food that’s too heavy. generally not liking how i look no matter how much or how intensely i exercise.

i still don’t know how to find a happy medium.

i’m just going to go read a book i guess.

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