just sad
25.09.20 | 4:46 pm
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i’ve been in such a sour mood for the last few days. it feels heavy, this decision i haven’t even made yet, something that seems as though it will have a major impact on my future, when really it’s just seven months (if i go) or a year at most (if i stay and reapply for next year). either way... it will be okay. but it’s hard to make myself believe it.
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it’s the colorado feelings all over again.
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it feels like i’m hitting a plateau with my french learning. i need to do more, but i’m tired. i listen to the news in french, half my podcasts and youtube subscriptions are in french, i try to read in french most days, i have 3 hours of lessons a week... but it’s not enough. it’s really not.
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i’ve also got a lot of negative body feelings at the moment. eating too much, or eating food that’s too heavy. generally not liking how i look no matter how much or how intensely i exercise.
i still don’t know how to find a happy medium.
i’m just going to go read a book i guess.