10.10.20 | 4:29 pm

spent much of last night and most of today watching superstore and wishing i had anyone reasonable to flirt with at all.

although last night someone tried to get me to sext them and i couldn’t get into it so they just stopped replying after a while. still wants to see me though i guess. idk about that.

it is more fun flirting with the french guy on my stupid language app who says nice things to me.

anyway nothing i ever get into is ever reasonable and i live in the middle of nowhere and i’m never going to meet anyone who will flirt with me and slowly decide they like me like in cloud 9.

but literally all of that is actually okay.

i’m having a lot of feelings.

he finally responded over 24 hours later and said what i figured he’d say and immediately changed the subject.

i just don’t want any of it anymore. i want an empty heart that doesn’t get attached to anything ever again.

not really.

god i sound so dumb in this diary all the time. i just wanna say happy or interesting or thoughtful things and not be all stuck in the mud about all of this stuff.

but everything will pass.

the only way out is through.

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