heart palpitations
28.11.20 | 9:16 pm

this morning, after eating this delicious breakfast pizza monstrosity kayley and i made, my heart started beating unusually fast, unusually loudly, and in a rather terrifying manner.

my limbs felt light and almost as if they were going to fall asleep.

i had to calm myself down as i felt light headed and my heart just beat and beat and beat.

it subsided after five or ten minutes.

some kind of heart palpitations.

a panic attack? out of nowhere?

all day, my chest has felt ... tired. picking up emma was difficult. i don’t know if it’s worse because i’m focusing on it, but it’s hard to not focus on it.

i am hoping i will go to sleep and feel normal, more normal, in the morning. i have to drive seven and a half hours home.

i am getting a doctor’s appointment for this week but.

what the fuck.

it didn’t help that i was sitting there thinking, “this would be an unfortunate way to die, and i don’t want to die.”

i’m sure it doesn’t help that my death anxiety has been flaring, that my sister-in-law told me about all the wrecks she’s known of recently right before i started the drive, that my dad always focuses on things like that.

i don’t know.

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