idk. it's just nice.
15.08.21 | 5:53 pm

things are feeling, in general, much better lately. last night, i threw a party for bret and destiny (who got married at the courthouse on monday). i made my family play the newlywed game, made those two do the shoe game, and we rounded it all off with jackbox.

i'm tired, but that's just getting back in the swing of things with school.

i finally bought new running shoes and they feel so, so good. hoka graviota 3. my feet need stability shoes (not surprising) and a wide toe box (already knew) and these seem to fit the bill perfectly.

i'm still talking to james practically all day every day. we talked on the phone last night before bed.

this isn't really anything, but it's weirdly the most functional sort of thing i've had in a long time. i've never had someone thank me for letting them talk about themselves, or text me when i'm already asleep that they know i've had a tough week but they can see how much strength i have, or straight up just tell me how much they enjoy the chance to talk to me, that they look forward to it every day.

he asks simple things like, "how can i be supportive?" and makes me feel interesting, as though i have something of worth to say. he has so many random hobbies and does so many things that i could listen to him talk about them for hours. he's a talented storyteller on top of that.

i'm reading a book he recommended and he's been listening to podcasts that i like. i haven't been able to share these kinds of things with a new person in a productive way in what feels like a very long time.

it's honestly strange how not stressed and worried about this i am. i am just taking it day by day, feeling grateful that there is someone out there who wants to get to know me in this way, feeling grateful that there's someone out there i want to get to know (even if they are 1,000 miles away).

and if it just ends, or fizzles out, or either of us finds someone else, that will be okay too, because i truly think i'm going to walk away from this recognizing the kind of treatment i actually deserve, and understanding how i want to treat other people in the future.

that, in and of itself, is a true gift.

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