I feel like if someone were to touch me, I'd dissolve into molecules.
25.07.13 | 12:22 am
i watched before sunset tonight and it was beautiful, even more beautiful than before sunrise. some movies just sort of take my breath away and these two d just that.
can you even imagine connecting with someone on a level like that?
no one will ever write such a long goodbye as i do.
sometimes i think things that probably aren't true like "i like your stupid face" and "i like your stupid hair" and "i like your stupid tattoo" and i just wait for them to boil away because i know they will eventually.
i get so scared, you know. so nervous sometimes. the past few days i've been walking around like this nervous wreck. like every possible thing could break me. you know? do you get that feeling?
and then i get through those days and i think, okay, not as painful as expected, actually it's okay. and it is.
sometimes i think i need some xanax.
i want to connect with someone again, to feel their arms around my body and to believe it is a good thing.
there was a quote from the movie i was looking for but i can't find it.
i am so difficult to deal with sometimes. i know that i am, and i can feel it, and i'm repetitious and feel like i have to talk about things and think i'm going crazy a lot.
like i talked to matt yesterday about almost passing out because of nervousness and in that moment i thought, holy wow, i really am crazy now, aren't i? but at least i am not so crazy that i don't realize how ridiculous i am typically being.
what is with all these pointless long, winding entries?
have i always been so longwinded?
i just always want for people to understand me. and i always want them to know i care.
like, i mean, in the grand scheme of things, you could do a hell of a lot worse than me.