online esl, interviews, and crying
25.01.15 | 12:15 pm

working online is very trying. staring at a screen for so long hurts my brain, and my students often have a lot of technical difficulties. but when i read through my evaluations, i feel much better, especially with private lessons (which i prefer). i have a perfect rating (all 5s) when it comes to PLs.

it makes it seem somewhat worth it, even when a lot of this job frustrates me.

what is the worst part is writing corrections. this is because we are expected to correct every bit of grammar in their writing. this is beyond ridiculous. a lot of the students are at such a low level that bombarding them with all of these grammatical errors is not helpful, but harmful, and it will raise the affective filter and diminish motivation.

but who am i to say.

god, i really want to teach ESL. in a real classroom. someone get me off this couch, out of this living room, into the city, into my own classroom. please.

i had my final stage interview with the charter school on wednesday. all in all, this job would be nice. the community seems great, and all first year teachers have a mentor who observes them once a week and helps improve their teaching. i love this type of learning.

it's a small school, only 9th-11th grade, but 40% are english language learners and i would be teaching 10th grade english language arts. i think it could be a lot of fun.

i will know by february 6th whether or not i got it.

i don't have my hopes up. (i am being my father's daughter about it.)

it would be a good start, though. a good step in my career. it's high school, yes, but it's also widening my teaching spectrum and giving me more experience. we'll see.

that morning, matt took emma outside for me, made me a nice, giant breakfast, and drove me to the school because it was snowing like crazy. we went to a mexican restaurant down the street (his favorite) and we ended the day drinking wine, tired from the drive and me tired from a two hour interview.

things are nice, then they aren't.

this morning, i was still sad. this woman a floor above us has a big black lab that growled at emma when i tried to take her outside this morning.

all of a sudden, i want to cut my hair, but my mom is 1,000 miles away. i texted her this morning and she was asking if i was ready to come home yet.

i'm not, but i'm still sad today. it's normal. i'm adjusting. but it's hard.

i'm home. a lot. and i don't have anyone i can call up to hang out with. besides matt's mom, anyway.

so, matt asked me if i was okay this morning as i just laid on the bed while he ate his breakfast, and i said i was sad, and he said sorry. so i went to the bathroom and i just burst into tears.

a few minutes later, he came in, hugged me for a long time. tried to talk to me, i think, but i kept crying.

it's just a rough weekend. that's all.

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