of it all
29.10.15 | 2:46 pm

last night, matt said officially that he can't come to kentucky for christmas.

then he told me, on the eve of accreditation, a time i've been working my ass off for - 11 hour days at the office, we're tlaking - and instead of staying with me and lowering my anxiety, he decides that i'll probably go to sleep early so he's going out with samantha and ashley when i go to sleep.

and i don't sleep. i slept maybe 4 hours last night.

i was sitting on the couch when he came home after midnight, seething.

it might be selfish, but i've been working for this for three weeks straight. i just wanted to know that, after i'd been at work for 11 hours, i could come home and he'd just hold me or talk to me or just be there for me.

but there's no forethought. there's no thinking ahead, there's only messing up and moving forward to make up for it because he has to.

i'm so tired.

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