and now my internet is out again
25.01.20 | 1:13 pm

i can't get this voice out of my head that says, "everyone here thinks you should be better at french then you are. and they are right. you are not properly utilizing this opportunity." i hate the look of disappointment in someone's face when i misunderstand something, when i can't add more to the conversation. i hate when they default back to english. i hate thinking people feel sorry for me, or think i'm stupid. i want to prove that i know more than i am showing in those moments -- those stressful moments for me when there are multiple people around, a conversation i have to follow that moves too quickly for me to think of a response. but there's no real way to do that.

maybe i really do just suck.

lately it all just feels very hard.

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