sleeeeepy. also there's no water pressure in my apt, cool
28.01.20 | 10:16 pm

my brain desperately wants some kind of drama. i wish i were not wired this way. what i have had (twice now in a week) is inherently drama-free, and it's nice, and relaxing for once. there is no reason for my brain to search for something to make it more "interesting" than it is.


i'm... tired.

tired of meeting people. (and then when i stop, i get tired of feeling isolated and get tired of feeling that i'll never meet someone.)

i'm tired of seeing how tortuous it is for french native speakers to hear me ramble on and make mistakes while i'm telling a story.

i'm tired of being so self-conscious about the mistakes i'm making.

i'm tired of feeling no progress whatsoever.


it was nice to me that you suggested c'est du gateau, that you ran your fingers through my hair as we watched the first round.

i liked the look of your face when you asked me, "tu en as marre?" when i stopped massaging your legs, sore from football, and the way you pulled me on top of you to kiss me.


i should go to sleep.

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