post vacay
06.07.20 | 8:39 pm

i’m tired and i haven’t worked out properly in about five days. i took a different yoga mat that my brother’s girlfriend gave me and it was horrible — my hands literally slid off the mat and i couldn’t even hold a downward dog. i feel swollen, like the only thing i should consume is water tomorrow.

it’s possible that france is choosing not to approve work visas from the usa because we suck so bad at the coronavirus, so while i think everything will end up being fine, it’s a bit of a damper and a bit of a worry for the moment.

i want everything out of my body. i want a do over. i want to talk only in french to my friends who speak french, and i want to make new ones who i can connect with. i want to date and feel wanted and interesting again, that outside validation.

my friend is watching bojack horseman for the first time and it confirming everything i’ve ever suspected about me being diane and matt being mr. peanut butter. it’s nice to feel seen.

that’s the thing about fours, we said — it’s not that we want to be so incredibly special and unique, but more so that we want people to see us completely, to understand us in ways other people normally don’t.

back to work early at 6am tomorrow. i need to find a second job, something to bring in extra money, more than the less than $1,000 i’m making a month right now. something.

i’m so tired after five days of basically not doing anything — i hate vacations where you don’t even do anything. they’re so much worse.

i don’t know.

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