06.09.21 | 7:41 pm

and i found out tonight that eric is getting married. i am having some feelings about it, apparently, given that the majority of what i remember from our relationship is me being screamed at, him throwing things (sometimes at me), him speeding in a terrifying manner to purposefully scare me, throwing me in the floor, him threatening to kill himself (and me believing he might do it since his cousin did), being yelled at because i had dinner with a friend or hung out with a friend without consulting him first, being accused of cheating on him because i put lipstick on and thought i looked pretty, being pressured to do essentially every sexual thing before i was ready because he was the one who decided those things, not having any foreplay or even holding hands because "only high schoolers do that", being made to feel stupid and small, him getting so angry that he left my house because i didn't hold a to-go cup the right way, him pretending to read the anger management book i got for him and when i asked him about it, him saying, "i didn't think i had to read it since we're back together now"...


i know, in a sense, that we were just kids (17-22). but jesus christ.

for her sake (and his, truly), i hope he's different now.

i just went back and read some of my old entries from when we were together. i wish i could hug myself back then.

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